Ep. 17: Manage
ON THIS EPISODE:
Today talked about management and the 5 things we’re doing, and you can do to manage yourselves as we begin to pull ourselves out of a funk. We’ll also talk about Fortnite, gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches, and DeadPool 2.
San Fransisco Good News - https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/18/health/san-francisco-opioid-addiction.html
Timeline: Episode 17
Timeline: 45 minutes total
I’m Morgan Hansow and this is my husband, Dave - we’ve spent the last 20 years on a wild adventure that’s taken us to Africa, the Oprah show, and Hollywood.
Welcome to Chasing Unicorns… a podcast about giving ourselves permission to chase our dreams, explore our faith, and figure out who we are, all while trying to keep our crap together!
As Creatives, Humanitarians, and Parents, we’re learning (sometimes the hard way) that the hustle and pursuit of the elusive unicorn will never satisfy.
Each week we explore what it looks like to live authentic, passionate, and connected lives while being a part of a movement that’s trying to transform the world through story + grace.
Overview of today’s show -
Welcome to Chasing Unicorns! Today we’re going to talk about management and we’ll be giving you the 5 things we’re doing to try and manage ourselves as we begin to pull ourselves out of our funk. We’ll also talk about Fortnite, gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches, and DeadPool 2.
Oh geez, you know we even debated being real with that one, but figured it’d be inauthentic not to go there. And besides, it reminds me of the pastors we’ve known over the years who totally drank beer or wine at home but couldn’t be seen going to the liquor store in town. In fact, 12 years ago our friend’s dad was the head pastor of our church and our friend would go to the liquor store for him and meet up and hand it over like it was a drug deal. That never sat well with me, it’s like, if you’re gonna drink and have a beer or glass of wine with dinner, do it and do it in freedom, not hiding out of fear of man or judgement. And we knew some other friends who were pastors and their rule was they couldn’t have a glass of alcohol out in a restaurant or in public within 100 miles of the town, but outside of that it was fine. So weird! In my opinion, I think the Church gets into trouble when we feel like we have to hide or come up with all these rules and legalities based on fear of man.
And then there’s us. When we moved back to our hometown in Colorado after being gone for almost 10 years, we ended up at a Vineyard church that had done a commercial on local TV where the head pastor was in a bar sitting at the counter with a pint in front of him and the tagline was that it was a church that was spiritual but not religious. We thought it was great but I know he definitely got some flack for it and later realized it maybe wasn’t the best move, but as non-conventional as it was, it set the tone that all were welcome. It for sure played a role in our decision to attend there.
That’s right and you eventually became an elder there… Elder Dave!
Oh my gosh, we did NOT call ourselves by that name! But yeah, I was asked to be an Elder even though I was in my early 30s - I guess they figured I’d had enough life experience and mess ups to have wisdom beyond my years!
Well, speaking of drinking… last night we were able to enjoy a glass of wine together around the fire pit with my brother, Graham, who’s in town from Denver for 6 weeks for a physical therapy clinical. The air is finally clearing up a little here in Redding as the Carr fire is now 97% contained and the other fire about 10 miles north of here is also being contained. Our kids have been able to go outside for recess the last few days as well, which is great.
Yeah, last night we ended up eating dinner outside as well which was such a gift. We just didn’t realize how crazy it’s been not being able to go outside for the last month. We’ve also missed swimming in the pool we’ve been maintaining for the last month but have been unable to use - Now we’re just hoping the temperature climbs a little in these last couple weeks of summer so it can warm the pool a bit so we can enjoy the pool a few more times before fall.
Yeah, that would be nice, especially since we have a 3-day weekend coming up!
Yeah, it’s Labor Day on Monday
Oh yeah, I’m so bad at remembering that and every year it always throws me off that kids start back into a routine for a week or two and then already get a day off!
Well it throws you off, but you know our kids love it and they probably will have more invites for social gatherings than we will this weekend!
Ha, sad but true, but actually that sort of leads us into our topic for this week’s Home Office Huddle
in which we Talk about what’s surfacing in our current pursuits—both personally and professionally—as a Husband/Wife duo.
And this week, several of our conversations have revolved around management
Right, and not in terms of managing others, like we typically associate the word with
No, it’s been conversations about figuring out how to manage ourselves. I honestly feel like a significant portion of this last week has been engaging in conversations with not only you, Morg, but also each of the kids trying to figure out how I can support you all in managing yourselves in this current season, which inherently has made me reflect on how I am managing myself.
Yeah, it’s been a little nutty around here. If you didn’t listen to Episode 16 last week, we talked about the current season of FUNK both Dave and I have found ourselves in. Dave’s funk has tended to revolve around anxiety and worry and my funk has been more tied to disappointment, despair and if I’m honest, a little depression. And of course, the kids are just getting back into the routine of school and so their struggles are in scheduling, time management, and adjusting to our new boundaries with bedtimes and media.
Don’t even get me started on Fortnite…that’s Asher’s vice for sure
Well Babe, should we go there? Because I mean, that is a place that lots of families we know with teenagers struggle
That is true, well sure, maybe real briefly. For those of you who don’t know, Fortnite is a live video game that can be played for free across all devices. It’s kind of like a virtual hunger games where you battle with 99 other people from around the world and you kill people off until one person wins and gets the Battle Royale victory. I’ve heard people compare Fortnite to crack - apparently it’s super addictive and because you’re playing with your friends, there’s also a social element to it.
So on school nights, our kids are allowed an hour of screen time/media so if Asher chooses to use his on video games (which he usually does), he has to set a kitchen timer we’ve given him for an hour and keep it by him b/c otherwise he gets sucked into a vortex. We’ve actually gotten into arguments of him thinking he was only playing for 45 minutes when in fact he’s played for over 2 hours. It’s pretty insane and using the timer is only thing we’ve found that helps him manage his time and protects our connection and relationship so we’re not getting mad and frustrated with him.
The thing our Kids don’t understand, is that we’d prefer to not ever get mad or frustrated with them. I would totally prefer to just enjoy each others company and get to hang - especially as they get older. It’s like… come on guys… stop making us get after you and manage your time a bit better. I think I have even less grace for video games b/c I was never a video gamer. I just don’t really understand why people like it. But when Asher used his own money from acting last summer to buy a PS4 the deal was that although he bought it - we would always be able to set boundaries for him. .
And actually, part of helping Jadyn figure out her priorities this last week is because she tried out and made the volleyball team, which wasn’t that one of the fears you mentioned on last week’s podcast?
Yes, I did say I was worried that we were messing up our kids for not putting them into team sports because sports played such a big part of my world. Last week Jadyn expressed interest in volleyball because she had some friends trying out and let’s be honest, at this age, it’s all social. Well last week they had 3 open gyms and these past 2 days were tryouts and Jadyn made it - I think they didn’t have to make any cuts b/c they’ll have an A & B team and so yes, Jadyn is starting daily practices which means there’s not a lot of freetime after practice, 6th grade homework, and dinner. So we’ve been helping her figure out how she can manage her time and stay organized and she’s had a great attitude and is staying super motivated which is encouraging. It’ll be fun to see what she thinks about being a part of a team sport.
And for us, we thought we’d just give you 5 things that we’re doing (or hoping to do in this next week) that help us manage ourselves. Because the truth is, as adults who work at home, we can stay in our Funks as long as we want to and have it be pretty socially acceptable. Over the years we’ve had some rough times and in those funks (or pits as I’ve usually referred to them), I was always aware that I could stay in the pit until I decided that I wanted to climb out. And let me say here that mental health is a big deal and I know that there are some people who get stuck in funks and can’t get out on their own and these people often time need medication to help balance the physical so they can start to find some clarity and peace and hope. I have not been in that situation myself but I have friends who have and I have complete grace for them. But what I’m talking about is a temporary funk that is triggered by circumstance or specific events.
That’s a great point, well said.
Alright, so the first thing we’ve been actively trying to do to manage is ourselves is Managing our Space, essentially trying to create physical order in our home. We’ve had boxes stacked up that we packed up when we thought we were going to be evacuated for the fire and piles of things the kids didn’t want after going through their rooms. So Morgan has been making it a priority to spend a couple hours each day working on organizing, purging, and cleaning these spaces. I would offer to help but after 17 years of marriage I know that when I try to help Morgan in that way I actually cause her MORE anxiety because she has specific places things go and she is so thorough that she needs to go through a pile of papers instead of make the pile look neat. We had a lot of arguments early on about this and now I have just learned to give her a little more time and be a more patient with the clutter until she’s ready, b/c once she attacks a space, she goes at it like a puma
Haha, that is true about me! And how about you interjecting this statement whenever you can this past week... ‘If you conquer your space, you can conquer the world!’
Yeah… I’ve actually been learning lately that if you dont first take care of your home, there’s no use in going out to the world and trying to fix it. First manage yourself which you are in control of, and then you have a chance of managing things that are out of our control.
Or even just being okay realizing that there’s some things you can’t control but not letting that sideswipe you.
Secondly, we have been trying to manage what we say or speak about. We are all for vulnerability and if you know us personally or have been listening to Chasing Unicorns for sometime, you’ll know that authenticity is a core value of ours. But we’re also aware that once the issue is identified, it doesn’t help to keep pointing it out. It’s like being in the dark and only talking about how dark it is...at some point you gotta strike a match, turn on a light, or open the door and let the light in. So last weekend I picked up the Passage Translation for the book of Psalms and I randomly turned to Psalm 39 and as I was reading I was completely hit by the words: Read! What most definitely struck me was the part about not grumbling or speaking out of our disappointment and then realizing how short/fleeting our time on earth really is in the big picture of things and then of course I loved the last verse restoring our joy and having his frown over our failures turned into a smile over our successes. In these last few weeks I’ve had some ‘shake-my-fists-at-God moments complaining about the disappointments and it’s easy to get into a twisted thought process where we forget where our hope lies. It’s so easy to forget how much power is carried in the words we speak— they really do either bring life or death...the visual of putting a muzzle on my mouth is powerful. I’ve just felt convicted in controlling what I speak about. Yes, I identify the feelings and get them out there but then I need to not keep speaking about negative because it’s like quicksand - it’ll keep sucking me further into a place of constriction and darkness.
And crazily enough, I had read the exact same Psalm a few hours before Morgan. How crazy that we both picked up a 308-page book filled with 150 Psalms and we both read the same one? So yes, we’ve been trying to hold each other accountable with watching our words and not having bitch sessions together and I think for the most part it’s always been one of us encouraging the other instead of both us being stuck in the pit at the same time.
Third, we’ve been intentionally surrounding ourselves with friends this past week. We realized that isolation is one of the things that makes it harder for us and since we both are working from home in some capacity, we don’t have social interactions to look forward to unless we create them or say ‘yes’ to invitations. For me it’s been easier than you, Morg - I’ve actually had a few get-togethers with dudes that came as invites this past week. I think it’s that people are getting back to routine and coming back from traveling, but I got invited to Lunch, coffee, and even a round of golf this week. And then you and I both did dinner with good friends on Friday night (which we’ll come back to in ‘On the Screen’). But I’ve actually been quite proud of you Morgan for being bold and gutsy in intentionally reaching out this last week. This week I’ve seen you text some friends and basically say - I need friends. And then at church the other day, I overheard a lady we know say to you “of course I’ll be your friend!” Which I’m assuming is right after you asked if she would hang with you, right?
Fourth thing we’re trying is Taking Care of Ourselves (and for you, it’d be taking care of YOURself) (AKA) - When it feels like the shit is hitting the fan I think the tendency is to let that funk give you permission to let go of yourself - at least that’s how I feel. I’m all for indulging occasionally, but when I feel crappy I just want to eat crappy, binge a show, and working out is the first thing to go. I think the question we have to ask ourselves is, ‘where am I going for comfort?’ Because if I’m honest, when I’m in a funk I want to shop for comfort, eat for comfort, watch for comfort, and avoid working out to stay comfortable. But this last week, Dave and I have been encouraging each other to take care of ourselves. For me that starts with taking care of my body physically. I’ve been really intentional this last week with eating healthy drinking lots of water, and working out every day. I think I said earlier that I work out from home - back in CO I went to Gold’s Gym and I did the Les Mills group classes, a yoga/pilates combo called BodyFlow and a weight class called BodyPump. I think after 6 years I just used to that and so pay $12/mo and with our AppleTV I can get the Les Mills app and I can do all the classes in our living room. We have a huge mirror and wood floors and so it almost feels like I’m at a gym. It works for me - although I am considering doing a kickbox class at a gym some friends started. But really, I have to make myself work out, because like I said earlier as well, I’m a doer and I’ll be home plugging away at something and then realize I need to do a load of laundry and then deposit some checks, and then pay some bills and then I’ll walk by the bookshelf and have the momentary thought that it should be reorganized and I’ll pull off all the books and put them on the floor before I’ve checked the time or thought things through and before I know it, it’s 2:30pm and I’m still in PJs, I haven’t eaten anything and kids are needing to be picked up in 30 minutes. Is this the story of my life Dave? Yeah, it’s not a good pattern but if I can make myself work out in the morning, I feel better and stronger and more in charge and then from there I think I can actually make better choices about the rest of the day and my time management. Plus I’m also more inclined to get ready earlier in the day and Dave, I know sometimes you like to see me in something aside from PJs or workout clothes! Another thing that fills me up is reading - I love reading and have a spreadsheet of all the books I’m wanting to read. I’m almost done with a 500 page book because the movie comes out tomorrow. How about you Hun? What things do you need to do to take care of yourself?
Well, first I want to mention that I think when we’ve neglected ourselves, it’s easy to think that we need to justify time spent taking care of ourselves to each other. I know this last weekend I caught you saying something like, “I think I’m going to go lay down and read if that’s okay?” And I was telling you, “Of Course! Do you what you need to do, you don’t have to ask permission.” And I know that sometimes I do the same thing. But I think we really need to get in the routine of granting ourselves permission to take care of ourselves. I know sometimes it’s more about timing and consideration for the other spouse as I know this can definitely be harder if you’re a parent and kids are younger, but as kids get older and entertain themselves for the most part, it’s just so crucial that we give ourselves permission to take care of us (because our kids are watching us and we’re setting the precedent for them).
Yeah, really good point!
Well for me, taking care of myself (managing me so-to-speak) revolves around working out a few times a week, getting coffee every Friday morning with a few guys that I love spending time and hep build me up in so many ways. And then I also have another group of guys who are all filmmakers and actors who grab a beer about once a month together. And then… for me, I’m for sure a bit of an introvert, so I have to take time to sit around and watch a movie or show by myself once in a while. It’s like my body and mind need it. Early on in our marriage I would feel guilty for doing things like this…. But I’ve learned it’s literally what I need in order to be healthy.
And lastly, Fifth - Change up your space and routine. We’re super aware that left to ourselves we become creatures of habit and with working from home we can easily get stuck in patterns and routines that serve us for a while, but maybe don’t serve us well over time. I can easily shut myself in my office and pound away at my computer for 8 hours and only break for a short lunch. And Morgan, don’t get mad at me, but you are such a doer that you’ll just jump into doing and before you know it, you’ll spend all day in your PJs or work-out clothes until it’s time to hurry and get dressed to go pick up kids. Or I’ll often see you sitting or laying in the same spot on our couch or bed typing. I know our air quality has kept us inside but we do have a great backyard and we both have the flexibility to take laptops to a coffee shop and work remotely but we almost never do that. So my charge to ourselves is to change up our space and routine a little so we’re not staying in our home (or the same clothes) all day long.
Yep, that’s totally my pattern and it has been since we moved here. Back in CO I worked out at a gym so now even my workouts are at home so I literally have nothing motivating me to get ready aside from picking up and shuttling kids around so I’d agree that this is the one that we’re definitely most in need of implementing ourselves. You’re chaperoning Asher’s camp next week so how about we check back in 2 weeks to see how we’re doing with this?
Alright, there you have it, our 5 tips for managing yourself in hopes of fostering hope, connection, and joy!
Alright, Let’s get to the GOOD NEWS - splices of what’s going right in the world
Even though we’re ‘hardwired’ to respond to bad news, we think it’s our mandate to be people who point out out the beauty and truth in the world wherever we see it - ESPECIALLY in the midst of struggle
Earlier this month, in St. Paul Minnesota, two beer deliverymen felt an unexplainable urge to take a completely different route to one of their stops. The route took Jason Gabel and Kwame Anderson across a bridge where they noticed a man on the other side of the fence.
They stopped the truck and when Kwame asked the guy if he was alright, he admitted that he was planning to take his own life.
So they called 911, and then Kwame took matters into his own hands.
Kwame then spent the next hour talking to the suicidal man and asking about his life, while officers on the scene watched. He learned the man lived around the corner from the bridge, he was from Chicago, and he had children.
He eventually asked the guy if he wanted to get food with him. He replied that he wasn’t hungry. He asked if he needed money—the man said no.
Then, Anderson asked if he would like to drink a beer with him (because they were beer delivery men) and the man paused. “Maybe.”
Anderson ran and grabbed a 12-pack of Coors from the back of the delivery truck and cracked one open, promising that if the guy came back over the fence, the beers were all his.
The man agreed and slowly walked back from the ledge. He was later brought in an ambulance to the hospital for treatment.
Kwame and his partner say it was God that prompted them to take a different route that morning, but there’s nothing quite like sharing a cold beer with Denzel that will ultimately win the day.
City of San Francisco will be sending medical clinicians to the streets to help the homeless population. San Francisco just announced that the city is investing $6million into a “first-in-the-nation” 2-year initiative aimed at curbing opioid (heroine) addiction and reducing the risk of overdose. The program will send medical clinicians with the local Street Medicine Shelter to write prescriptions of Buprenorphrine which can be filled during the same day at city-run pharmacies. The pills which are taken daily reduce drug withdrawal and help fight addiction and prevent overdose. Part of their aim is to help fight the 22,500 that actively inject and shoot up drugs on the street and leave needles around. They did a year-long pilot study with some success. I think this initiative should be applauded. I know homelessness is a big problem in a lot of cities, especially up and down the West Coast. We have a big homeless population in our city and I know that there’s a lot of mental health, substance abuse, and cognitive problems in this population and it’s really hard to get this population to come to clinics or appointments. It makes sense to go to them and try to offer help and options so eventually they can make better choices. I don’t know what the alternative is? We can frustrated with the situation all we want but I think the first thing is trying to offer them help for mental health and substance abuse so I hope they have success and can offer other cities insight. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/18/health/san-francisco-opioid-addiction.html
Alright, let’s Deep Dive, Dave, take it away…
My Deep dive comes from one of my favorite authors, CS Lewis. It’s all about putting first things first, and second things second…
On the Screen
In which we visit and review what we’re watching this weekShould we start sweet and end sassy?
Okay, well, this last weekend we took kids to see Christopher Robin - Disney’s beloved tale about Pooh and Piglet and Tigger and Eeyore. It’s always a question of how the animation will lend itself to mix humans with talking animals but of course nowadays it’s pretty realistic. It’s fun to see the stories of our childhood making a comeback to the big screen. I’m super pumped about the the Return of Mary Poppins in the December as well. As for Christopher Robin, it was the classic storyline of an adult who’s lost his wonder and joy and has found life and meaning in work by choosing productivity and promotion over his family. There’s some cute and impactful scenes and it’s inspirational and thought-provoking if you allow it to be. I do think it starts off kind of slow and I think our whole family was on the same page - we enjoyed it, but didn’t LOVE it. So…. I’d give it 8 out of 11 unicorn horns. What about you babe?
So last week we had some good friends invite us over for an “adult only” night of gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches and Deadpool 2. Yeah… it was a fun night. Haha Seriously though, the grilled cheese combos were amazing - 3 kinds of cheeses, jalapeno infused bacon, Trader Joes’ fig butter, tomatoes, pesto, and loads of butter on the bread.
Yeah, seriously is right. I have a dairy intolerance but I popped a lactaid pill and said ‘screw it!’ They were delicious and I told the couple they should consider starting a food truck with gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches! So back to the movie… we’ve been waiting to see Deadpool 2 b/c we told this couple we’d see it together and after missing each other the entire summer we finally did it and we’re just gonna own it… yes we watch the occasionally crass film with foul-language and graphic scenes. And from a filmmaking perspective, the writing in these films is genius - they break the 4th-wall and are so self-aware - it’s essentially a superhero film that makes fun of superheros and it took almost 10 years to make because studios weren’t sure how an R-rated superhero would be received on the screen. Incredible tenacity for Ryan Reynolds who not only is Deadpool also produced and wrote for it!
I know we could get a lot of flack from some who think Deadpool is just too raunchy or explicit, but dangit - these two Deadpool movies may be two of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. I mean it. Deadpool 2 was hilarious throughout, and we only recommend it for those who can handle a graphic scene or two, and a lot of foul language. I give it 10 out of 11 Unicorn Horns.
I actually liked 2 better than 1 but I will admit that there is a 20 minute window that I fell asleep during - I think it was the coziness I felt from the comfort of the grilled cheese sandwiches - so I don’t know if I can confidently give a rating without knowing the complete storyline, so for the moment I’ll concur with your rating and let you know if mine differs once I rewatch that section!
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Brought to you By
“Today’s show has been brought to you by the word ‘’MANAGE.” You have what it takes! In the midst of whatever season you find yourself in today, you have what it takes to make it through! If you need to sit in your funk a little while longer, do it. If you need to reach out and get some medical help or some counseling, do it, there’s no shame in that at all. And if you are at a point where you’re ready to make some management changes in your life, we’re right there alongside you. Figuring out what to manage and how to manage is part of the pivoting process. Self-control, creativity, and courage are the tools you’ve already been given to help you manage your space, manage your words, change up your routine, take care of yourself and seek out friendships. May you find a newfound hope welling up in your heart today! Today is the best day!
“Until next week...keep embracing the mystery, asking questions, and giving yourself permission to enjoy the process. And watch out for those freakin’ unicorns...they’re glitzy and shimmery and full of crap!” ;)
Easter Egg? - in the edit :) Gotta go fill out our mail-in ballots
Today it’s all about the concept of living with purpose—why we need it, how we find it, and how we invite others into it. We’ll also talk about quahogs, stuffies, badges, and morganization. And we’ll tell you about the unicorn poop Morgan received in the mail!
CONNECTED: Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Official Instagram: @HansowFamily Personal Instagram: @MorganHansow and @DaveHansow Website: www.ChasingUnicornsPodcast.Com Leave a Comment Below