Ep. 16: Funk
ON THIS EPISODE:
Today we spoke about funk. We’re getting real vulnerable with where we’re at in our current season, which hopefully gives you permission to be, wherever you find yourself. We’ll also talk about MapQuest, Megaladons, and why Morgan has been avoiding Instagram.
I’m Morgan Hansow and this is my husband, Dave - we’ve spent the last 20 years on a wild adventure that’s taken us to Africa, the Oprah show, and Hollywood.
Welcome to Chasing Unicorns… a podcast about giving ourselves permission to chase our dreams, explore our faith, and figure out who we are, all while trying to keep our crap together!
As Creatives, Humanitarians, and Parents, we’re learning (sometimes the hard way) that the hustle and pursuit of the elusive unicorn will never satisfy.
Each week we explore what it looks like to live authentic, passionate, and connected lives while being a part of a movement that’s trying to transform the world through story + grace.
Overview of today’s show -
Welcome to Chasing Unicorns! Today we’re going to talk about funk. We’re getting real vulnerable with where we’re at in our current season, which hopefully gives you permission to be, wherever you find yourself. We’ll also talk about MapQuest, Megaladons, and why Morgan has been avoiding Instagram.
Hey Hey! Just want to play a little bit of this song that expresses our current Mood… PLAY/BANTER https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
A little joking, but actually a pretty right on! Because in all seriousness, we absolutely LOVE our kids and we love the flexibility our schedules afford us to be present and involved in our kids’ lives but there is a reality that we do work from home and having jobs that require creativity and content creation, it is much easier to create when there’s routine.
Yeah, I love them but I am super happy to get back into a routine. I even need the consistency of bringing kids to school for my workout routine.
I did hear you use the word, ‘hellacious’ as you left to drop off kids in your work-out attire today - how’d the first work-out go this morning?
Let me just say that running for 20 minutes on the treadmill felt like an hour. It felt nice to get back in there and get in a routine, but man…. When you take a few weeks off… or maybe like a month and a half. Cough, cough… it’s hard.
It’s funny because as much as we’re stoked about routine, we were also quickly hit with the reality of all the driving that’s required with a 6th-grader and an 8th-grader, something we grew accustomed to last year, but I guess quickly forgot…
What was it on Monday? 6 separate trips back/forth to the school?
Drop off, pick up of Asher, Pick Up of Jadyn after Volleyball tryouts, Drop off of Asher for hip-hop auditions, pick up of Asher an hour later, and then back for a Parent’s Fall Sports Info Meeting. Makes us SUPER grateful that we strategically picked a home a mile away from their school
1.8 miles to be exact...I mapQuested it for something the other day!
Oh geez, let’s just take a minute to talk about you and your inability to move on from MapQuest… Yes, MapQuest was the thing back in our highschool years, but then somewhere in the past 10 years a little company called Google came along and built the best mapping system the world has ever seen, and yet still to this day, I’ll look over to your computer and see that you are on MapQuest. You are for sure a creature of habit…. I’m just glad that you’ve at least moved beyond printing your maps before trips. haha
I won’t deny it, I am a creature of habit...I honestly can’t help it. I think it’s just so engrained when I’m trying to check distances or see directions on a computer. But I’ll also say, when I’m on my phone I just use my Maps app - although I think MapQuest does have an app and do real-time traffic, but I don’t have it.
Well, now I’m curious, am I really the only one who still uses MapQuest? Can we do some sort of questionnaire thing? Like on Instagram where we do a survey to see? Is that possible?
Okay, we got way off topic, so yes, we are quickly remembering that this season in life, with two middle-schoolers, is busy and requires us to be all-hands-on-deck as soon as school gets out. It’s also true that we intentionally chose to live close to school so that we could say ‘yes’ to activities for the kids for this season—which is one of the reasons we moved to Redding— and living 5 minutes away allows us to do a quick drop-off or pick-up and come back without it feeling like a big inconvenience.
Which is especially convenient for those times when we get a call and have to run a forgotten permission slip, book report, or lunch to the school as well! But really, we’re pumped to start getting back into a routine and looking forward to this next season with expectancy!
Alright, it IS time for the Home (Office) Huddle in which we Talk about what’s surfacing in our current pursuits—both personally and professionally—as a Husband/Wife duo.
And this week, we’re diving into the topic of funks. You and I have been having LOTS of conversations in the last couple weeks about what success looks like across the board in all the things we have our hands in and to be honest, we’ve both been struggling a bit with feeling successful lately, so we thought we’d talk about the things that have put us in our current funks. It’s funny because last week we talked about the Pivot, but I think that was a little premature - we were trying to jump to the pivot without giving ourselves permission to be in a funk. So now we have to backtrack...and just a head’s up that today’s discussion might get a little vulnerable
Release the secret weapon!
Oh my gosh...if haven’t been with us since the beginning, Morgan and I often talk about vulnerability being one of our secret weapons and that line is from the animated movie, An American Tail, about the immigrating mouse Fievel Mousekewitz which you’ll totally remember if you’re an ‘80s kid like us, and if you’re not, you will have no idea what we’re talking about!
Just trying to keep it a little light-hearted as we keep it real! So yeah, this notion of success is something we’ve been talking a lot about recently and I’d say in the last month, we’ve been under this heaviness in our home. For lack of a better descriptor, I’d say it’s almost this spirit of confusion and frustration or disappointment.
Well, if you use our podcast as a lens, we look back and see the topics of our previous 4 episodes...Episode 12 was after we came back from LA, eager with excitement about the future only to find out we need to fight for our Peace, and then we woke up to our city on fire and even though our home is physically okay, there’s been some very real realities to living in the middle of a city hit by a national disaster - hazardous outdoor air quality, time weeks couped up inside, and diverting our time to volunteering b/c there’s timely needs when so many people in your city are in crisis. And then the last 2 weeks we’ve talked about finding purpose and pivoting (figuring out what to do when things don’t go as you plan).
Wow, yeah, you definitely see the flow of thought and emotions over the last 5 weeks for us. I will say, that I have honestly been struggling with holding onto hope these last 5 weeks. Which is funny, because we had that amazing woman come up to us at the first day of school a couple days ago and tell us that we make it look effortless and we inspire her to go after to her dreams. From the outside (and if you didn’t listen to this podcast which I don’t think she does), it might look like we’ve got things together, but you and I also always said that it gets super dangerous when we compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. Interestingly enough, I think I know that I’m in a little heart and head funk right now - I haven’t been on social media since my time in Rhode Island a few weeks ago (and I really only personally posted there for family). I haven’t thought about it about until now, but I think I’ve thought my avoidance from Instagram recently was because of busyness, but if I’m honest with myself, deep down I think I’m aware of my fragility right now and if I were to go on Instagram I’d just be giving my mind fuel for comparison and self-judgement.
And why do think you’re in this fragile or tender heart space?
Oh my gosh, it’s like podcasting counseling! Well, in all transparency, there’s just been what has felt like a series of disappointments and setbacks that just continue to hit. I know we’ve alluded to several of them in last few weeks. Of course, for me, the email I got about the publishing changes to the second print of the children’s book, The Girl Chronicles, was a huge blow, Especially since it came right after visiting LA to talk about our next project. I was told by the publisher that they are taking my name off as a co-author of the book for the second edition saying it makes more sense to list the girls who the book is about as authors. For a year I worked on co-writing and consulting for the book and of course it’s wrapped up in friendship and heart passion and to have someone I loved and trusted dishonor me is so hurtful. So I’m dealing with disappointment in that because something I gave my heart and passion to and saw as a success now feels like a failure and I’m struggling to give validation to my art and what I know I did without letting that get stolen from me even if it is getting taken from me in the physical world in the form a title.
And then I’ve been working on writing a proposal for the screenplay we want to write and as I’ve been researching the legalities of life story rights, I’m realizing that there’s SO many steps ahead of us before we can even get to the point where we get a ‘yes’ and can begin writing. We knew we’d need to hire an entertainment lawyer at some point, but as I read everything online, I’m seeing that there’s some concrete things we need to have in our contract and some of those seem daunting, and getting to the point where we need a contract is hugely dependent on whether the subject and his family members agree to move forward. So it again, honestly, I just feel vulnerable and exposed. It feels a little scary dreaming and hoping for something that seems impossible at the present moment and so far off. You and I feel like this story is a gift from God to us and we’ve clearly felt huge heart confirmation that making this story into a movie is in the plan for us, so it seems that I should be able to trust the Holy Posse if they’re the ones that planted it but I’m feeling a little bruised and defensive so I think I’m wanting control. And I didn’t even touch on the women’s blog collective that I’ve let flounder or the doubts I have about whether I’m doing a good job at mothering our kids, but I think it’s YOUR turn, I’ve clearly talked TOO much… SO Babe, what about YOU? What is your current heart status in relation to the idea of success?
Well this is gonna be fun. So this past month I’ve had a couple of mini-panic attacks, which basically have felt like moments when I’ve woken up in the middle of the night with a tightened chest and a found it a bit hard to breathe. I’ve never had anything like this in my life. Also, in the middle of the day while I’m working, I’ve noticed the tightening of my chest and a low-grade anxiety kind of creep in while I work. These past few weeks, I’ve caught myself worrying that we won’t be able to pay our mortgage, and ultimately lose our house. So that’s a fun one. In this past week I’ve been convinced that I’m the worst graphic designer ever.
I think that’s it….
Oh wait… there’s one more! :) I’ve lately also been worrying that because we didn’t put our kids in traditional sports like baseball, soccer or football growing up, that somehow they won’t be successful, and that they won’t have a drive in life.
OK… I think that’s all the worries for this week. Haha
Well… when I’m in a bit of a funk, half the time I really don’t know what’s wrong, or are able to pinpoint those specifics like I did just now. So I end up saying stupid stuff like “nothing is working” or “everything sucks”, or I feel a little foggy. But the truth is, when I finally nail down how I’m actually feeling, I can start to get a bit of clarity.
By the way - I realize I sound like a crazy person. But that’s ok. But I will say this… the more I pretend like things are ok, when they aren’t, the further I get from actually accomplishing anything of value with my life. Sadly I think a lot of Christians are in the habit of doing this very thing.
That’s good and I think that followers of Jesus can’t keep shoving things under the rug or stuffing things back in the closet and we certainly can’t be afraid of verbalizing our feelings, pain, and needs. What we need is to find friends that will validate our feelings while sitting with us—friends who will speak in truth and love instead of trying to fix us or speak us out of the hard with fluffy but empty words.
This morning I read a chapter in ‘Everybody Always’ by Bob Goff—yes, it’s taking me like 4 months to get through that book because I probably ready a chapter a week—but anyways, I read Chapter 14 entitled Land the Plane, and it was about a crazy experience Bob had with his son Adam landing on a remote lake in British Columbia with a seaplane and then taking off and making his son re-land the plane on the lake while not saying a word. It was dangerous and questionable but he knew His son could do it and then he goes into a parallel to life which I was going to paraphrase, but I think we should read...Dave can you read the excerpt?
Bob Goff - Book Link
So there you have it Friends… We’re good, even in our confusion, our unknowing, our failures, and our frustrations. We’re loved AND we know enough!
Alright, let’s talk some Holy Moments - segment where we reflect, reminisce and remember the most ‘Holy’ moment of our last week.
Well this last week I decided to join Morgan on an Ash-out, which we talked about in last week’s episode. Essentially our church is putting together teams that are going out twice a day to help sift through the ashes of homes that have burned down in our city to help the homeowners find anything of memory or value that would help bring closure and hope. Well, yesterday I finally joined Morgan on an ash-out, it was her fourth one but my first and it was pretty incredible… We’ve driven around where the fire came through and it looks like a desolate wasteland but I haven’t seen devastation up close like I did yesterday. It was surreal to see a whole two-story house reduced to a single thick layer of ashes and rubble… And here’s the where the holy comes in...I’m looking at this mess thinking a couple things, 1) the fire had to be SO incredibly hot to just disintegrate a whole home like that and 2) what could we possibly find that would be of any value to these homeowners? I was looking at it and all I saw was ashes. So our team started digging and I was in the middle of the home footprint when I came across some big metal structure under the ashes and I started to tug on it but it was like 100 pounds and as I cleared it off and got someone to help me I was told it was the heart of a piano - all the metal strings connected to each other. The homeowner, who was probably close to my age, had her childhood piano in the living room and people have been known to keep the salvaged insides to turn into sentimental wall art. She was really excited about it. And then the other thing she ended up really excited about was a metal cross I came across in the hunt for the diamond earrings we never did find - I actually think it was a metal brace of some sorts that was used somewhere on the house for structure, but it was the legitimate shape and correct proportions for a cross and even though she didn’t have an attachment to the cross before the fire, it was a symbol of hope and she was really excited to have it. So yeah, just fun to see beauty and hope literally come from the ashes, especially from something I looked at and initially overlooked!
Yeah, that was crazy and I was glad to have you come with me and share in that experience. Good ash hunting skills Hun! Actually, while we’re talking fire, maybe we can do a final report on the Carr Fire - the fire started one month ago and today it’s officially 93% contained and their starting to pull personnel off it because it’s smoldering instead of burning at this point. I think the final number is almost 230,000 acres burned. I’m sure you’ll still hear us mention the fire b/c it’s a long road to recovery for our city but at least we’re done with checking the the fire incident report twice a day for updates!
Okay, so on to my holy moment, which was actually last night…
Our family loves Asian cuisine and so last night in celebration of back to school I went all out and did vietnamese spring rolls with homemade peanut sauce for dinner. It’s a really yummy meal but it’s just lots of prepwork and chopping so when we finished eating what Jadyn has always called ‘glass burritos’ Dave asked the kids to put dishes and leftovers away and then wash dishes. We’ve had kids take dishes from the table to the dishwasher for years, but Dave and I will usually put away leftovers and wash any pots/pans. I was trying to take the bag of the rice papers to the kitchen and Jadyn pretty much assaulted me until I dropped the bag on the floor and then she told me to go. Dave knew I needed a little check out and so he put some worship music on in the background and he grabbed my hand and urged me to come sit on the couch with him. I’m such a doer and so my brain was telling me to go finish a load of laundry but I accepted Dave’s invitation to sit and be. We sat there for probably 20 minutes while our kids cleaned up the entire kitchen for the first time ever (and they didn’t bicker or argue) and it was glor-i-ous! I was so relaxed (I think the glass of wine I had at dinner also helped). I seriously think I even teared up a smidge at the thought of entering this new stage of responsibility with our kids!
It was pretty amazing - they even worked together really well with no arguing. The only thing is now we know what our kids are capable of so they’re gonna have to start rising to the occasion more often. They have no idea what they’ve gotten themselves into. hahah
Hey Dave?... How about a Deep Dive?
Let me start by saying that “Everyone believes they are the hero in the story.”
By the sheer fact that technology has allowed us to communicate today, we'd assume we are communicating with one another more than ever. But that isn't the case. Just because people are talking at others, does not mean people are communicating with one another.
One the most frustrating things I've witnessed or been a part of is when two people who disagree with one another on any number of topics talk at one another in an attempt to sway the other. Let's take gun control and maybe even more particularly, guns in schools, for instance.
One person believes that all guns are bad and should be banned, while the other person believes that guns are a right, and that as long as they are used with care, guns are actually a good thing. Or in other words, a good person with a gun protects people from the bad people with a gun. So... we have two people who on the surface strongly disagree with one another. In fact... in today's culture, these two people often disdain one another. The one side thinks the other are a bunch of liberal snow flakes who are too soft, and the other thinks the other person is simply a redneck who loves Trump.
But the thing is... both of them actually want the same thing in the debate. They both want safety for kids in school. But this often gets overlooked due to their individual methods.
And this gets to my point and the reason this is my deep dive. Everyone believes they are the hero in the story. Or in other words... no one in their right mind thinks they're opinion on any matter is a wrong one. If they did... they would no doubt change it. Or another way to think about this is that no one believes they are the villian. No one. Even the craziest atrocities like the Nazi takeovers were led by people who thought they were the hero.
So... the next time you find yourself in a potentially heated discussion, remember that trying to prove that someone else is actually the villian in the story, is almost worthless. Instead, our time is always better spent understanding how they have begun to view their side as the heros. And then working backwards from there.
On the Screen - in which we visit and review what we’re watching this week
We went and saw ‘The Meg’ this last weekend. I was interested mainly because I love Rainn Wilson (better known as ‘Dwight’ from ‘The Office’) so I’m willing to see anything he does. Also, Jason Statham always give a good action performance. Essentially it’s like a modern day JAWS, but a WAY bigger shark—a 75-ft megaladon—WAY more action and I’m gonna say, TOO MUCH action. I think the film was about 20-30 minutes longer than it needed to be and I
I agree, I feel like I was watching Skyscraper again but with shark - everything that could go wrong goes wrong and then some. The filmmaking and CG are great but some of the acting is a little B-rated.
I think I’d give it 6 horns. It was still fun to watch… even if painful at times.
Listener Feedback/Questions/Insight single week.
We got a funny meme about Unicorns with a message this past week - It was a pair of unicorns standing on the shore as Noah’s Ark was setting sail without them - Jack wrote and told us that we could stop looking for where the Unicorns are!
So fun! We really do love hearing from you - We want your insight, thoughts, and feedback.
Are you in a season of funk? We’d love to hear what you’re learning in the process. Or maybe you have a Holy Moment from this last week that really hit you. Or maybe you have a differing review of ‘The Meg’ - Please share!
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Brought to you By
“Today’s show has been brought to you by the word ‘’FUNK” - you are good, even in your confusion, your unknowing, and your frustration. You are loved like crazy right where you are by the God who made you and knows you. Simply said, you are enough! There’s no need to try and sweep things under the rug or stuff things back in the closet. We’re family! So give yourself permission to be in a funk and feel your emotions, in fact we validate your emotions. May you surround yourself with good company that grants you the same permission you’re granting yourself. May you know that eventually you’ll get to the pivot—your story doesn’t end here but for the time-being it’s certainly okay to be here. So take a Deep deep breathe, maybe grab a glass of wine if you’re so inclined, and know you’re surrounded...by love and favor and the Holy Posse. You are not alone!
“Until next week...keep embracing the mystery, asking questions, and giving yourself permission to enjoy the process. And watch out for those freakin’ unicorns...they’re glitzy and shimmery and full of crap!” ;)